Growing old is something you do if you're lucky      

It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are ingenious

Before I speak I have something important to say                 

Groucho Marx

You know that look that women get when they want sex? Me neither           Steve Martin

When choosing between two evils I always pick the one I haven't tried before       Mae West

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase the sexual arousal of women, a Ferrari is one of them     

P J O'Rourke

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it           Bob Hope

All I ask is a chance to prove that money won't make me happy       Spike Milligan

A secret is something that is only repeated to one person at a time           Robert McCrum